True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We named our party play list daddy issues
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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