Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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