I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
