White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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