my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
