so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
