WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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