Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
