I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
