If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
