I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
