The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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