A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
