I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
