there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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