Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
