fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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