I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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