Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
