and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
