I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
