I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
