It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
