He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
