Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
