i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
