this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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