I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Found the puke drawer
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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