In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
