we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
