We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
