: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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