The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
