Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
