I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
