I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize