what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
