rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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