Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
