plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
