I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
