So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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