are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She needs sedatives and a leash
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
