I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
