Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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