i really wish james franco would like my vagina
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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