Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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