i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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