Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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