the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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