Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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