just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
