It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize