Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
