Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
