laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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