having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
