True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
