New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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