I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
