at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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