wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
