my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
