I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
