I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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