I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
