Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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