I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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