i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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