i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
