if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Randomize
