I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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