Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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