So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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