We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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