You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
