She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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